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2005-06-14 - 5:50 p.m.

Okay. I've absolutely had it. Next time you call ANYWHERE for help or questions with ANYTHING - either just keep slamming on the ZERO button or sit there. If you don't, you're going to take a 3 hour tour throughout their phone system ... and then wind up on a deserted island for 20 years. First it was Sears with their stupid voice automated phone system, and now AOL... Can't anyone just pick up the damned phone anymore??? I'd be happy to press a couple of buttons to get through to someone, but what I just experienced was nothing short of a full fledged CIRCUS. I must have ended up back at the main menu about twenty times. I felt like I was playing Chutes and Ladders. I'd be in the lead - almost to the very end of the board when suddenly I'd land on the biggest slide of them all - putting me back at the very beginning of the board. Over and over and over and over again.

Question to AOL and Sears and all other stupid companies with voice automated systems: What benefit is there to completely FRYING your customers' nerves and boiling their blood before you put them on the line with one of your agents!????!!! The overseas out-sourced AOL employees slaving away throughout the night for 22 cents an hour probably think that Americans are a bunch of assholes when really we're simply on the verge of losing our sanity after having to deal with a "rosy-cheeked, apron clad" robot for the last half hour.

After I FINALLY reached someone with a pulse they had the audacity to ask me how I was doing. How am I doing? Apart from the fact that my blood pressure is now through the roof and I have a strong desire to obliterate someone / something, I'm just fine!! Thanks for asking!!

I've been getting billed for the past YEAR for AOL premium services at $8.95 a month for no reason and needed to get it taken care of. Something one would think could be resolved in a quick phone call. But, no. I'm pissed off, answering the litany of security questions when suddenly the guy starts HUMMING while he's inputting the information. HUMMING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop it!!!!!!!! That's the last thing I wanted to hear was someone HUMMING!!!!! I nearly hung up then and there but for the threat of having to deal with the automated phone system again.

And then finally...

"Your premium service has been canceled, Aleeeeshissiasa. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

"No."

"Great!! (reading from a card) And. As. a. thank. you. for. calling. us. here. at. A.O.L. to.day. we. are. in.vit.ing. you. to. take. part. in. a. sur.vey. which. COULD. en.ti.tle. you. to. a. free. gift. cer.ti..."

*CLICK*

Sorry, but I WOULD like to spend the next 6 hours doing something other than taking a dumb ass phone survey. The odds that my opinion is going to get rid of that preposterous voice robot is slim to none and I'm sure that next time I'm cornered into having to call the assbots (I LOVE that word, sarkasmo!) I'll hear the same dumb spiel along with, "Please listen carefully! As our menu options have changed!" Listen carefully as I slam the receiver across the room.

the past - the future

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