Aleisa

2005-04-18 - 7:07 p.m.

Straight out of a deep sleep I sat straight up and bed threw off the covers and listened. When it was determined that I was indeed awake and not in some sort of strange dream, I began searching for answers as to why the civil alert sirens were wailing. I got out my trusty �So, You�re About to Die�� booklet and proceeded through the checklist.

Part A.

1. Is it storming outside? No.
2. Do you see/hear any hail? No.
3. Do you hear a freight train outside of your house? No.
4. Upon looking out the window do you see trees being uprooted by heavy winds? No.
5. Have any of your doors ripped off their hinges and blown off into the sky? No.
6. Did Elvira Gulch just cackle past your window on her bicycle / broomstick? No.

If you answered �Yes� to most of these questions begin alerting others by yelling, �It�s a twister!! It�s a twister!!� � get the hell in your basement / cellar / crawl space and cover your ass immediately.

If you answered �No� to most of these questions, you are probably not in the path of a tornado. Don�t put down your transistor radio yet, however. Proceed to Part B.

Part B.

1. Is national security at an unusually elevated level? No.
2. Has there been any threatening news of potential terror attacks? No.
3. Has there been any unusual terrorist activity in the area lately? No.
4. Do you hear fighter jets flying overhead? No.
5. Did you just hear a deafening explosion? No.
6. Has the sky turned red with fire? No.

If you answered �Yes� to most of these questions � it is possible that you are under a terrorist attack. Get the hell in your basement and cover your ass.

If you answered �No� to most of these questions, there might be one other possibility. Proceed to Part C.

Part C.

1. Is it 12:00 pm on the first Wednesday of the month when they test the civil alert system?

My Answer: No. I just looked at the clock. It is 4:06 am Monday morning.

If you answered �Yes� to this question, they are testing the civil alert system as they do every first Wednesday of the month at 12:00 noon. Get a clue.

If you answered �No� to this question, we have no freaking idea what the hell is going on. Turn on your television. Maybe THEY know something.

So I turned on the TV and scanned through all of the local news channels. They were all busy broadcasting the wonders of the Thigh Master, Flowbie and the Perfect Pancake Maker. None of the �flabbergasted� product users seemed to be alarmed about anything. Seconds later the sirens put an end to their performance and took their bows. Thank God! Now what in the hell was that all about? I continued to scan through any and all channels hoping to gather some sort of information. This is when I got to one of the 63 very fine Public Access Channels. (God bless Public Access!!) Text on the screen read, �BOONE COUNTY PUBLIC SAFETY AWARENESS � ARE YOU READY?� Then proceeded to extol the benefits of practicing tornado safety within your home �� (????) And what better time to practice than at 4:06 on a damn Monday morning???? Um, thanks, but I�d rather not!!

Had my husband been in the room with me we could have brainstormed together as to what this ruckus was all about. However, he had been ousted to the couch before my sleep cycle had even begun on account of his �noisy� cold. Deciding not to bother him, I laid in bed for the rest of the early morning hours staring at the ceiling. With a fetus doing the foxtrot in one�s belly � who is to sleep? Apparently she had received a big double scoop of my adrenaline with sprinkles on top through her umbilical (umBIBLICAL) cord.

One of the rednecks around here had �stolen� the big yellow siren horn thing off of the school roof and rigged it up to his car alarm, for all I know. You just don�t never know around here�

Come to find out my husband had been out there in the living room on the horn with the police department, fire department and eventually 9-1-1.

�What did they say?� I demanded, half laughing that he went to such lengths.

�They said it was an accident.�

Are you kidding me?? An ACCIDENT?? Who the hell makes a mistake like that at 4 in the morning???

Scenario 1:
A sleep deprived county official nodded off at the Civil Alert System desk. His mistake was immediately apparent when he was blasted out of his slumber by the sirens. He pleaded innocence to his boss and coworkers, but the big button impression on his cheek made a liar out of him. He was quickly escorted to his car before the sirens even came to a halt. (at least I hope)

Scenario 2:
A game of Truth or Dare got out of hand between a handful of Civil Alert System employees. �Dude!! I dare you to press it!!� * press * �No way!!� * hysterical laughter * They all scampered from the button to evade punishment. Earl forgot his monogrammed water bong and was quickly apprehended on account of the damning evidence against him.

Scenario 3:
A die hard safety fanatic employee and overprotective Mom of two decided that it�s never too late or too early for people to be aware of lurking dangers. Without any resignations, she pressed the button commenting, �The safe way is the best way!� She wanted HER family�s 4 am tornado drill to be as realistic as possible and felt that the entire community could benefit from her knowledge of public safety. The ignorant people who call up and are actually angry about this will just be told that it was an accident. After all� accidents DO happen! You just can�t be too safe!

So come to find out - here's what REALLY happened:

----------------------

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

This siren's song was no lullaby

Computer miscue set off 4:10 a.m. blaring

By Brenna R. Kelly
Enquirer staff writer

Thousands of Boone Countians got an unwelcome, early morning wake-up call Monday.

The county's 22 warning sirens, which sound from Hebron to Walton, began blaring at 4:10 a.m.

"It was a mistake that forced a lot of people to wake up before they wanted to," said Dan Maher, director of Boone County Emergency Management.

The sirens were accidentally set off when a dispatcher at the communications center in Florence opened a binder. The binder cover landed on an adjoining keyboard, where another dispatcher had left a program that activates the siren system on the computer screen.

When the binder hit the keyboard, it triggered the sirens. And once in motion, "they are pretty tough to stop," Maher said.

The sirens wailed for five minutes - one cycle.

"It simply was an accident," Tom Scheben, Boone County sheriff's spokesman, said. "Things like this happen."

After the sirens began, the dispatcher center received about 200 phone calls from residents, dispatch supervisor Sherri Knipper said.

The center will handle the accident as a personnel matter, Knipper said. She would not say whether anyone would be disciplined.

Though the sirens are designed as an outdoor warning system, Maher said, many people were awakened because their windows were open.

Most people think of the sirens as tornado warnings, but Maher said officials could use the warning system for emergencies such as a chemical leak or a terrorist attack.

"Anything where we need to get people's attention as quickly as possible," Maher said.

the past - the future

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