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2004-11-05 - 1:21 a.m. At the realization that my coffee had lost all of its savory warmth, I put it in the microwave to zap some life back into it. After all of the essential buttons were pressed I proceeded to straighten a few things in the kitchen for 25 seconds. I rinsed the left over scrambled eggs off of the flower shaped plate as I listened to the typical crackling and popping sounds from within the microwave. As I placed the plate on the drain board, it suddenly dawned on me that it is not characteristic of coffee to crackle and spatter when being microwaved. I threw down the dish sponge and ran to the microwave just in time to inhale a puff of black smoke as a solitary flame seduced the melting edge of my insulated coffee cup. Flakes of burnt plastic whispered in the air before meeting the swift fury of my waving hand. I quickly extinguished the dancing flame with a single blow and stood there for a moment before chucking the ruined cup into the sink. On second thought, maybe someone needs to be sued, as my house could have burned to the ground! I could have been killed! All of those fire drills� and for what� So I plucked the ruined cup from the top of the dirty dish pile and examined it. �DO NOT MICROWAVE� clearly emblazoned on the bottom. Instead of a company being advertised on the side in fancy silver lettering, perhaps it should have made mention of the microwave incompatibility in that location. Then I would have seen it and never have stuck it in the microwave in the first place. Who sits around reading the bottoms of their cups? Obviously, not me. Do I have a case? Probably not. The world might become a safer place if we would all just stop and take a moment to pay attention to these things. For instance, I may have a few more brain cells to accompany me on my journey through life had I heeded the legal disclaimer on the beer bong I bought on senior trip. �NOT INTENDED FOR USE WITH ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES�. At which point milk or Sunny D could have been introduced. But of course the very idea of using a beer bong with anything else BUT alcohol is absurd. This manufacturer, in an attempt to cover their ass against any and all lawsuits that may arise as a result of using their product for its INTENDED PURPOSE, induced heinous laughter from room 201 at the Mystic Sea Motor Inn. On a much more serious note, I stumbled across THIS label while cleaning out the filing cabinet this afternoon: 
I can only speculate where this belongs, and in the meantime will be washing my hands after handling ANY cords around here lest I should become the mother to a six-eared child with an extra nose at some point down the road. That is IF I�m even still capable of reproducing!!!!
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